Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it.
Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A: Tame way, unique up on it.
Q: Why didn't the turkey eat dessert?
A: He was stuffed!
Q: What's the best way to stuff a turkey?
A: Take him out for pizza and ice cream!
Q: What kind of horse likes to be ridden at night?
A: A nightmare.
Q: What does a dog quarterback throw to?
A: A Labrador receiver.
Q: How can you spot a dogwood tree?
A: By its bark.
Q: What do you get when you cross a werewolf with someone who makes ceramics?
A: A hairy potter.
Q: Why did the bald man put a rabbit on his head?
A: Because he needed the hare.
Q: What is a twip?
A: A twip is what a wabbit takes when he wides a twain.
Q: What did the dentist give the school marching band?
A: A tuba toothpaste.
Q: What do you get when you cross a balloon with a porcupine?
A: A pop.
Q: Where does a bird go when it loses its tail?
A: To a retail store.
Q: What goes HA, HA, HA, PLOP?
A: Someone laughing their head off.
Q: What word is always pronounced wrong?
A: WRONG.
Q: What's more amazing than a talking dog?
A: A spelling bee.
Q: Why didn't the teddy bear eat dessert?
A: Because he was stuffed.
Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the shell station.
Q: What do you get when you cross a fish with two elephants?
A: Swimming trunks.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Great big holes all over Australia.
Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?
A: Fsh.
Q: What does a dancer like to drink?
A: Tap Water.
Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them.
Q: Did you hear about the carpenter who left work early?
A: He made a bolt for the door.
Q: What do you get when you have 324 blueberries trying to get through the same door?
A: A blueberry jam.
Q: What kind of sandwich is Dracula afraid of?
A: Stake sandwich.
Q. Why did the mother cat put stamps on her kittens?
A. Because she wanted to mail a litter.
Q: Why was the broom late?
A: It over swept!
Q: What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
A: Sir Render.
Q: How do you make a Kleenex dance?
A: You put a little boogie in it!
Q: Why did the baseball team hire a cook?
A: It needed a new batter.
Q: What goes 99 bump, 99 bump, 99 bump?
A: A centipede with a wooden leg!.
Q: Did you hear about the garden race?
A: The lettuce was a head, the hose was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Q: What's the difference between a well dressed man and a dog?
A: The man wears a suit; the dog just pants.
Q: Why do bees hum?
A: They don't know the words.
Q: Why wouldn't the bicycles move?
A: Because they were two-tired.
Q: What do you get if you cross a shellfish and a rabbit?
A: The Oyster Bunny.
Q: Why don't ant eaters ever get sick?
A: Because they're full of anti-bodies!
Q: Why would Snow White make a good judge?
A: Because she's the fairest one of all.
Q: Why did the golfer bring an extra sock to the game?
A: In case he got a hole in one.
Q: How did the patient get to the hospital so fast?
A: Flu.
Q: Why did the cat bark?
A: He wanted to learn a second language.
Q: What did the turtle wear to keep warm?
A: A turtle neck.
Q: How did the music teacher get locked out of his classroom?
A: His keys were in the piano!
Q: Why didn't the peanut butter cross the road?
A: Because there was a traffic jam.
Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: Put it on my bill.
Q: What do sea monsters eat?
A: Fish and Ships.
Q: Why don't bears wear socks?
A: Because they like to walk in their bear feet.
Q: What is the tallest building in your town?
A: The Public Library because it has the most stories.
Q: Who was the smallest man in history?
A: The sailor who went to sleep on his watch.
Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
A: I'll meet you at the corner.
Q: What kind of pine has the sharpest needles?
A: A porcupine.
Q: What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A: A teacher says, "Spit out your gum," and a train says, "choo, choo."
Q: What is the hardest key to turn? A donkey.
Q: Why are babies good at basketball?
A: Because they are expert dribblers.
Q: Why did Cinderella fall down at the ball?
A: Because she was wearing slippers.
Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot.
Q: What is a vampires favorite dog?
A: A bloodhound.
Q: What was Camelot?
A: A place where people parked their camels!
Q: What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
A: Lots of blood tests!
Q: How do you cut a wave?
A: With a sea saw.
Q: If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left?
A: None, they were all copycats!
Q: Who invented King Arthur's round table?
A: Sir Circumference!
Q: Why is it cool to go to a baseball game on a hot day?
A: Because there are a lot of fans.
Q: What was Camelot famous for?
A: It's knight life!
Q: What's a mushroom?
A: The place they store the school food!
Q: What did you learn in school today?
A: Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!
Q: What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?
A: A dinosnore!
Q: Did you hear about the wooden car with the wooden wheels and the wooden engine?
A: It wooden go!
Q: What's the difference between a fish and a piano?
A: You can't tuna fish.
Q: What do people do in clock factories?
A: They make faces all day.
Q: Why couldn't the sailors play cards?
A: Because the captain was standing on the deck.
Q: What does a dentist call his x-rays?
A: Tooth-pics.
Q: What happened to the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?
A: She had mittens.
Q: Why was Cinderella such a bad player?
A: Her coach was a pumpkin.
Q: Who earns a living by driving his customers away?
A: A taxi-driver.
Q: Why did the cat want to be a nurse?
A: She wanted to be a first-aid kit.
Q: Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
A: She couldn't control her pupils.
Q: Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?
A: Because he's a pain in the neck.
Q: What kind of cats like to go bowling?
A: Alley cats.
Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
A: He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
Q: What do witches wear on their hair?
A: Scare spray.
Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?
A: Because they have honeycombs.
Q: What did the O say to the 8?
A: Nice belt.
Q: What did the digital watch say to the grandfather clock?
A: Look pop no hands.
Q: Why did the apple go out with a fig?
A: Because it couldn't find a date.
Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
A: Fingernails.
Q: What cat purrs more than any other?
A: Purrsians!
Q: Where do Eskimos keep their money?
A: Snow banks!
Q: What did one arithmetic book say to the other?
A: We've got problems!
Q: Why didn't the oyster share the profits from his pearl?
A: He was shellfish.
Q: Why can't you tell secrets on a farm?
A: Because the corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes, the grass whispers and the horses carry tails.
Q: What do monkeys eat for dessert?
A: Chocolate chimp cookies.
Q: Where do frogs keep their money?
A: In a river bank!
Q: What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair?
A: Lily!
Q: What do Scottish rabbits play?
A: Hop-scotch!
Q: What lights up a soccer stadium?
A: A soccer match!
Q: How do pigs communicate?
A :With swine language.
Q: What did they call Dracula when he won the game?
A: The champire!
Q: What is a runner's favorite subject in school ?
A: Jog-raphy!
Q: What animals are on legal documents?
A: Seals!
Q: Why is Alabama the smartest state in the USA?
A: Because it has 4 A's and one B!
Q: What has two banks but no money?
A: A river.
Q: How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
A: With a pair of Caesars!
Q: What do you call an American drawing?
A: Yankee doodle!
Q: How did the farmer fix his jeans?
A: With a cabbage patch!
Q: What stories do the ship captain's children like to hear?
A: Ferry tales!
Q: What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's wife drive?
A: A Minnie van!
Q: Why did the lazy man want a job in a bakery?
A: So he could loaf around!
Q: Why was the Egyptian girl worried?
A: Because her daddy was a mummy!
Q: Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?
A: He wanted to find Pluto!
Q: What holds the sun up in the sky?
A: Sunbeams!
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missile toe!
Q: Where do hamsters come?
A: Hampsterdam!
Q: What is the most slippery country in the world?
A: Greece!
Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Because their horns don't work!
Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils? They have big fingers.
Q: What happened when the elephant sat on the car?
A: Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!
Q: What's a snake's favorite school subject?
A: Hissstory!
Q: Why did the dog cross the road?
A: To get to the barking lot!
Q: Why did the spider like computers?
A: Because he had his own Web site.
Q: Where do baby cows eat lunch?
A: At a calf-ateria.
Q: What did the bicycle call its dad?
A: Pop-cycle.
Q: What do you call rollerbladers who chat on the computer?
A: Online skaters.
Q: What did the baby porcupine say to the cactus?
A: "Is that you, Daddy?"
Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
Q: What do cats like for breakfast?
A: Mice Crispies.
Q: Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
A: He's fully recovered...
Q: What happens if you get a gigabyte?
A: It megahertz.
